Into The Labyrinth
by Havoc Creations
Summary: Too much candy and too much David Bowie. Ha! Kidding. There's never too much David Bowie. A semi-slashy-if-you-squint take on Labyrinth from us to you.
1. Chapter 1

Strong Sad flipped through his magazine, the volume on the television low. The usually cheery basement's colors were drab and dark- the corners of the room were filled with faux cobwebs along with spiders and bats. A life-size, plastic skeleton was 'playing' the Trogdor machine, the high scores of which were filled with names like VMPYR and MUMMY.

He glanced up at the clock. As it ticked, it pulled gently at a cotton cobweb.

He smiled softly and went back to his magazine. Halloween was great. There was candy in the house, dark, eerie music playing from the boombox upstairs and gorey, gothic things everywhere. Halloween was his kind of holiday.

Not to mention the films that were on television took a turn for the spooky in October. The Nightmare Before Christmas, Nightmare of Elm Street, Friday the Thirteenth, Donnie Darko. Classic B-movies abounded the stupider channels, which was fine. Strong Sad loved the black and white, not-at-all scary movies.

His peaceful viewing experience was interrupted when the door slammed upstairs and footsteps pattered, padded, and thumped across the floor- Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Strong Mad had respecively returned from their late night tricking. All the treating had been taken care of earlier, though the evidence of their spoils was slim. They'd all eaten their candy in between toilet papering and egging houses.

The haul had been good this year; a little too good for someone of small stature like The Cheat. He scrambled straight to the bathroom upstairs. Strong Mad, on the other hand, wasn't affected much by all the candy. He tiredly retreated to his room judging by the thumping footsteps going up the stairs further behind his sugar-sick companion.

Which left Strong Bad. He was definitely not tired thanks to all that chocolate, but he hadn't had quite enough to call it quits for the night either. So he did what any reasonable guy would do with extra time and a slight sugar high. He grabbed the bowl of leftover handout candy and headed to the basement for some serious movie watching.

He grunted with disapproval at the sight of his brother sitting on the couch, flopping down on the opposite end. "What the heck is this crap you're watching?" Naturally, if Strong Sad was watching it, it had to be crap in his opinion. He was already reaching for the channel changer.

He raised an annoyed eyebrow. "Right now it's one of the cheesy sequels to Halloween. Next is Labyrinth."

He paused. "Labyrinth? Oh man! I haven't seen that movie in years-" He cleared his throat and removed his hand from the remote, unwrapping another mini candy bar. "Uh... I mean there's probably nothing else on anyway."

"I'm going to bed if you wanna oogle Jennifer Connelly... or David Bowie."

"Oh, ha ha," Strong Bad laughed flatly. "Though now that you mention it, Connelly's not bad. I mean, I can identify with with that girl's problem, man. Annoying little brothers should _definitely_ be wished off to a bunch of goblins."

"She regrets that like ... two seconds later," Strong Sad pointed out. "She was a spoiled brat. Very loud, self-centered, goofed off..." He smirked. "Hmm. You know, maybe you are like her."

"Uh, no. Because if goblins managed to carry your fatness out of the house somehow, I wouldn't be going after you," he snorted. "She had a good idea and then ruined it by wussing out."

He rolled his eyes. "Good thing there are no such thing as goblins then. I still think you'd miss me."

"Pfft, you keep on telling yourself that." He unwrapped another mini candybar and popped it in his mouth.

He watched him. "If you keep eating all that junk food, you're going to get sick," he pointed out.

"What are you, my mother? I can regulate my own sugar intake." He ate another piece out of spite and flicked the wrapper at him. "Besides chocolate's good for you and lowers blood pressure or something. I read it on the internet."

Strong Sad sighed and rolled his eyes. He got up and rolled up his magazine. "You're going to have nightmares. You used to get them all the time when we were little. Whatever. Enjoy your movie." He snagged a single piece of candy from the bowl on his way up the steps.

"That was a phase! I grew outta it when I was nine," Strong Bad shouted after him. He stretched his legs out on the couch and settled back. He dug around for more bite sized Milky Ways, but it appeared there weren't any more. Strong Sad had grabbed the last one. Well, that sucked. He was getting down to the gross stuff now. Things like popcorn balls and those weird little peanut-shaped chewy things. Once he'd picked out all the moderately edible leftovers, he stuck the bowl on the floor and focused his full attention on the movie. Sarah was ranting about her baby brother, threatening to banish him.

Strong Bad yawned. "Just do it," he muttered. "As soon as he's old enough he'll be clogging up your mailbox with his dorky magazines and eating all the last Milky Ways."

Sarah, of course, did wish for her brother to be taken away, but instantly regretted it. She ignored Strong Bad's lecture about what a bad idea that was and started her way into the Labyrinth.

But before she even got there, her audience was asleep, head leaned back and snoring softly. Strong Bad was a bit sleepier than he let on, it seemed, and not even the hotness of Sarah Connelley could keep him awake.

He didn't _stay_ asleep for very long, though. Lighting struck outside, causing the lights to snap off and the television to short out. It made a loud popping sound before fizzing out with a wimpy explosion.

Strong Bad jerked awake, kicking over the bowl of rejected candy as he scrambled to his feet. He caught sight of the wispy cloud of smoke dissipating from his TV and groaned. "Ah man... you gotta be kidding me." There was one person in the house who could probably fix it, though. A certain fat little brother currently sleeping upstairs.

_Not for long_, Strong Bad decided. Trogdor machines breaking he could live with, but TV's? Those were an emergency that needed to be dealt with, ASAP. Rain and wind rattled the windows as he acended the stairs, heading for his brother's room. It was odd considering the forecast for that night had been clear skies.

Along the way, he tried to flip the hallway light switch but the power was out. He shrugged and went ahead to knock loudly on the door. "Hey, blubber boy, get up! There's a television in critical condition downstairs."

When there was no response he simply let himself in. He frowned and grabbed Strong Sad's duct tape sword that had been leaning against the bookshelf, prodding the fat pile of blankets before him. "Hey, I said g-" He blinked when a pillow fell out of the pile. The next lightning flash revealed the bed to be empty. The wadded up blankets and pillows had almost looked large enough to be his brother in the gloom. "...what the crap?"

There was a snicker from beneath the bed, but when he went to check there was nothing there that could have made the sound. There was a similar chortle from the closet, but nope. Nothing there either.

"You said you wouldn't mind if we took him away, so we did," a voice said from the window. It was wide open, the rain and lightning gone now. The curtains whipped around with the breeze, and the owner of the voice smirked. "It's what you wanted."

"You... what-?" Strong Bad narrowed his eyes at the intruder, then instantly eased up. For all the dramatic wind-whipping, as soon as he recognized the figure it pretty much lost all of its sinister impact. He threw the sword aside and folded his arms over his chest. "Homestar, how many freakin' times have I told you to stop sneaking into my house. Especially at night, man. Did you seriously just climb through that window in a cloak?"

'Homestar' seemed unphased. "It's going to be hard to get him back. Maybe you should just go to your room. Play with your toys. Draw a Teen Girl Squad. Forget about the fat kid."

Strong Bad snorted. "Uh, I would but the TV's broken. I kinda need him to fix it, so how about you cut the David Bowie impression and just tell me where fatso really ran off to. Unless you can fix my TV, in which case you can keep him."

He sighed and held out his hand, a clear, crystal ball forming in his hand. "My David Bowie impression is pretty fricken awesome but that's not the point. Your brother's in the center of the labyrinth." He used his free hand to motion out the window- instead of the usual green color of Free Country, however, it was a barren, desolate desert, devoid of life. In the distance was a castle, and surrounding the castle was an intricate maze. "But if you forget about the dork I'll give you this."

He passed the crystal from one hand to the other effortlessly. "Can't watch tv with it, but sometimes if it's like ... a really clear day, you can pick up AM radio onnit. Pretty cool, I think. Oh. And uh it'll show you your dreams. You want it?"

Strong Bad watched him pass it around, slightly impressed by the level of dexterity he never knew Homestar posessed. He half expected him to drop it. "No. I want my TV. I could get most of that on my clock radio if I really felt the need to listen to overplayed songs by the Beatles or baseball games."

"Then you'll need to get your brother," he sighed, seeming disappointed. He motioned for him to follow out the window. Instead of plunging down he stayed level, the ground apparently at the base of the second story window. "Well, come on. Haven't got all day."

Strong Bad hesitated, looking around the room one last time before climbing out the window after him. It wasn't like he had anything better to do until he woke up, anyway. His brother had been right- this was definitely some kind of candy induced nightmare. He made a mental note not to mix high amounts of sugar and overly imaginative movies before bed in the future.

"So if you're supposed to be some kinda magic guy, can't you just make me a new TV so I don't have to save anybody?" He asked once they'd come to a stop by a scraggly tree.

"Where's the fun in that?" Homestar snorted, turning around. He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. "If you don't go through the labyrinth, then _I_ can't meet you at various points during your journey so we can have super awkward conversations riddled with innuendo and sexual tension. And that would be dull."

"...what." Strong Bad gaped at him. Okay, up until this point the nightmare had been somewhat tolerable, but he was drawing the line. "No. That is not how this works. Do I look like Jennifer Connelly, man? There is no sexual tension. Eugh!"

"That's exactly how it works. Man, get in character," Homestar huffed. "If you don't start cooperating I'm gonna have to up the anti, yanno? I can be Jareth. I can be mean and manipulative. I can. I'm giving you a chance to get through this pretty friggen smoothly. So stand there, look pretty and let me hit on you."

"Yeeeeaa-no. Not happening. So uh, you can have my brother. Maybe I can fix my TV on... my..." he had started to walk away but stopped and looked around. Then snapped back to face Homestar, glaring. "Where is my house?"

He whistled innocently. "I gave you a choice," he said in sing-song. He cleared his throat and closed his eyes. "Don't say I didn't warn ya." When he opened them they seemed narrower, almost smarter. His smiled turned into a vicious smirk. "You have 13 hours to finish the labyrinth. There's no turning back now." He laughed and snapped his cape shut, vanishing into thin air.

Strong Bad stared for a while at the vacant spot where he'd been standing. "Thirteen hours," he muttered. "More like eight. I don't sleep that long. Fine, I'll just wait it out." He folded his arms and plopped down at the base of the tree stubbornly. The action brought the fact that he was now wearing character-appropriate attire to his attention.

Somewhere along the line, that patterned vest and baggy shirt Sarah wore in the movie had manifested itself. He wished his imagination would stop being so friggen pushy.

Five minutes passed. Then ten. Then fifteen. But the hand on the clock stopped at fifteen.  
>"You're stubborn, aren't you?" the now malicious sounding voice of Homestar asked. He appeared behind him, eyes narrowed.<p>

Strong Bad shrugged, still unimpressed. "You said I couldn't turn back so I'm waiting it out. You haven't given me any good reason to go in there."

He seemed to consider that. "Hmm. True, you don't have much in terms of motives, do you?" He tapped his chin in thought. "What to do what to do ..." He smirked and sat down beside him, draping an arm over his shoulder. "Thirteen hours is a long time."

Strong Bad slipped away from him and got to his feet rather quickly. "N-no, now none of that. This is my stakeout. I don't need company. Don't you have a kingdom to run?" He shoo'd at him. "Go away. I'm not playing your game."

"Who's playing?" he mused. "If you won't go along with the part your assigned, I can think of a few other things we can do." He grabbed his wrist and pulled him forward. With his free hand he trailed a finger up his collarbone. "I could start by kissing you here~ ..." Along his jaw. "...then here until finally ..." He tapped his lips with his finger and chuckled. "But that'll take up five minutes, tops. Hmm, there's much more fun things I could do with thirteen hours..." He smirked.

Strong Bad pulled away, laughing weakly and stammering as he backed off. "Y-you know, on second thought, I have nothing to lose going in there," he pointed to the gigantic maze in the distance. "So I think I'm just g-gonna go in... there. And you can stay here. In fact, why don't you just wait for me at your castle." He of course had no intentions of actually attempting to reach said castle, but if he made it look like he was doing something maybe this disturbing incarnation of Homestar would leave him alone.

"Good boy," Homestar snickered, patting him on the head. He grabbed his shoulders and pushed him towards the labyrinth's entrance. "Good luck. I'll be keeping an eye on you." As soon as his hands left Strong Bad's shoulders, he disappeared again.

"No, seriously, don't bother! I do not need anybody checking up on me!" He shouted, but he doubted even if Homestar could have heard him, he'd listen. Well, at least he wouldn't be hanging all over him constantly now. With a disgruntled sigh he trudged onward, bringing his sour mood along with him. He could feel his face still burning from the encounter. Thank goodness there wasn't anyone around to see how red he was sure it was right now. "I am never eating candy again."

"That's a good idea," an annoyed voice muttered. There was a loud smacking sound as a fly swatter hit what looked to be a fairy. A pointy-eared man was wandering around, killing them with a bit of a skip in his step. "52~!"

He clutched at his chest briefly. He could've sworn he'd been alone. So much for that. "Jeez, give a guy a heart attack- where'd you come from, anyway?" Strong Bad squinted at him, but his back was turned as he carefully aimed for another fairy. The man seemed awfully familiar.

Strong Bad walked over to one of the fallen fairies and nudged it with his foot. The thing grabbed on to his shoe and dug its fingers into the canvas, so he kicked in an attempt to get it off. Finally he just grabbed the little impish winged humanoid and pulled it free. He ended up dropping it with a yelp. "Ow! It bit me-" he froze and snorted. Movie deja vu... weird.

"Well, duh," he snorted, ignoring him. "S'why I'm killing them. Fairies are like evil little bumblebees _with teeth_." He swatted another one and laughed. "Fun to kill, though!" He whipped around and grinned at him, revealing himself to be Homestar ... again. "Sup."

"I just got rid of you!" Strong Bad declared angrily once he'd regained the ability to speak. "This isn't fair! You can't slap on some pointy ears just to come back and bug me some more!"

He raised a confused eyebrow and glanced over his shoulder. "Uh. What?"

"I'm so not buying this. You know what." He folded his arms and glared at him.

"Ooooh, you mean how I'm both Jareth and Hoggle? There's a simple explanation. See, there's only like ... 11 people in your neighborhood, and a hell of a lot more characters in this movie. So, there's gonna be some repeats," he grinned. "Don't worry. This me isn't trying to get in your pants. Well, not as obviously anyway. Hoggle's waaaaaay more subtle."

Strong Bad pulled at his hair. "Why. Me." He groaned and let his arms fall to his sides. "I'm not even in the friggen maze yet, so couldn't you switch out with, I don't know, anyone but you? You're too tall to be Hoggle anyway!" He knew he couldn't take that much Homestar in one nightmare. It was bad enough with just the Jareth one. If only brains came with self destruct mechanisms he'd give throwing the switch some hard consideration right about now.

"Hey, it's not my decision," he shrugged. "_You_ imagined me, not ... me. I didn't imagine me." He tapped his foot, thinking for a moment. A rogue fairy flew by and swatted it. "53~!"

"Good point," Strong Bad muttered. "I am definitely getting a CAT scan when this is over." He sighed, disgruntled but accepting the situation for now. He'd wake up sooner or later, so he might as well go along with it. "So, you know where the door is to that thing, right?" He motioned to the stone wall nearby.

"Mmhmm," he replied distractedly.

Strong Bad folded his arms over his chest, watching him track down and snuff out another fairy. "Are you gonna stop killing your next of kin long enough to show me where it is then, or what?"

"Where what is?" he asked innocently.

Strong Bad rolled his eyes. "The entrance, dork."

"The entrance to what~?" he sang, swatting some more fairies.

"The labyrinth! Come on, even you're not that stupid."

"Dude, do you NOT REMEMBER this scene?" he said, raising an eyebrow. "You need to ask the right questions."

Strong Bad slapped his forehead and growled. "Well gee, it's only been five years since I last saw this movie. I might be a little fuzzy on the details, you know." He paused, attempting to recharge his patience. "Okay then, how do I get into the labyrinth?"

"Muuuch better!" he giggled, grabbed his hand. He dragged him along. "It's how you ask, not whatcha ask. THis place is out to trick you, you know!" They stopped in front of what appeared to be a wall. Homestar dash forward and knocked, cause two huge doors to open. He motioned towards inside it. "There ya go."

"Thanks," Strong Bad muttered unenthusiastically, stepping through the gateway into the damp corridors beyond. He glanced up either direction, trying to remember which way Sarah had gone in the movie. He should try to go the opposite way- maybe that would make it take longer and stall off any further disturbing confrontations until his time was up. There were a few scenes that had already come to mind that he was not looking forward to re-enacting.

Homestar waved. "Good luck getting to the castle. Hope nothing eats you!" The gates closed as he continued waving enthusiastically. As helpful as he may be, he was doing a very poor job as the perpetually sour Hoggle.

Not that Strong Bad minded. He decided he'd take an uncharacteristically cheerful Hoggle over an extra intrusive Jareth any day. But now that he had gotten rid of both, this dream had become tolerable again.

As for the corridor, he'd made his choice at random and was now making his way along the perfectly straight, narrow path. Weren't there supposed to be secret doors around here somewhere? He reached out and ran his hand along the wall, but it seemed solid. Maybe he just hadn't gone far enough. Sarah had run for quite a while, after all.

He wasn't running, though. He took his sweet time walking- at least until he tripped over a log and fell over. "Stupid girl shoes," he growled, getting back to his feet and kicking the branch angrily. "And why are there even branches and crap laying around? I haven't seen a single tree big enough to drop this stuff. Just walls. Tons of freakin' walls. Way to keep your maze clean!" He shouted, just in case Jareth-Homestar happened to be spying on him- which he probably was at all times, since he was clearly some kind of creepy stalker in this dream. Well, more than usual. He frowned and dusted off his shirt.

"Herlo," a voice chirped from the wall. A teeny tiny green caterpillar sat there, wearing a purple baseball cap upon it's round, white head.

Strong Bad glanced down at it for a second. "Y-you mean ...hello?" he repeated incredulously, trying very hard not to laugh once recognition set in.

"Nope. I meant harlo," he replied indignantly. The Coach Z caterpillar snorted, annoyed. "Kids these days."

"Uh huh," Strong Bad chuckled. "So, Z-Worm you got any advice for finding secret passageways in this place? I'd keep walking in a straight line, but to be honest it gets boring after the first hour or so. I could use a change of scenery."

"Hmm. Well, tharr's the entrance across tha way there. Lorft leads to tha castle, but I don't suggest ya go that way," he mused. "...'nless you're that Strorng Bad kid I hord about? Jareth wants ya at tha castle. You Strong Bard?"

'Jareth' wanted him at the castle? To hell with that. "Nope. Not me, man, sorry. I guess I'll go right."

"Kay. Gord luck," the little coach waved. He watched him disappear into the wall.  
>The little caterpillar had been right, of course- the castle had obviously been in the other direction. Strong Bad was now in a barren maze, with high, dust colored walls. And 'Jareth' was watching.<p>

"Phoo. Doesn't seem like he wants to play with me yet," he mused, staring into his crystal ball boredly. "Hmm. He'd look better without that silly mask. I should remove it next time I meet up with him."

"An excellent idea, sir!" One of the king's minion's piped up.

"Only if you want him to punch you in the face," their captive remarked nearby, the odd one out in a room full of yellow and black spotted 'goblins'. "Somebody wanna remind me why I'm here again? I'd really just like to go back to bed now..."

"Can it, fat one!" One of the creatures whacked him in the knee with a club and he yelped, sitting down again.

Another one beside it snickered. "You were the bait but now you could be lunch."

"For everyone," another goblin chirped.

"With plenty of leftovers!" another laughed. Thier king sent them a volatile glare. "No! Seducing Strong Bad would be a million times harder if I killed his brother. He might not like him but they're still family."

"Strong Bad likes me," Strong Sad huffed. "...well, sort of. Even if he has a weird way of showing it- but the point is, you'll never get away with this! And even if you do, do you think you could just let me go since you aren't gonna kill me? I don't wanna be around if you're planning all this just to hit on my brother. That's just awkward."

"No. You're Toby. You stay put," he huffed, pointing at him. "You're a major plot point and you must stay here. If he comes all this way and finds out I just let you catch a bus home or something he'll never let me in his pants."

"But..." Strong Sad frowned. "I didn't know buses came out this far-"

"Of course they do. You think stylish rags like these grow on trees?" One of the goblins snapped. "This helmet was 20% off at the mall."

"Yeah, at Sears in the kitchenware section," another laughed.

"You're just jealous of how shiny it is!"

The two creatures started fighting, and Strong Sad sighed, folding his arms. "Either way, my brother would... probably never sleep with you. So as soon as he shows up, you better let me go." He hesitated, then raised a finger pointedly. "Or else."

"Or else what?" the goblin king asked, grinning wickedly. "In case you haven't noticed, this world is mine. I control everything. If I wanted a meteor to come down and smash your pretty little skull in, it can be done." He looked back at the crystal ball and placed a hand on it, looking a bit ... sad. "The only thing I have no control over is _him_. But that's temporary."

Strong Sad gave up the argument at that and fell silent, gaze drifting to the glassy orb inside which the image of his brother was doing his best to avoid heading towards the castle.

Try as he might, it wasn't working out very well. The slick walls made it too hard to climb them to try to see what direction the place was. He had hoped he was managing to avoid making progress by taking random twists and turns at every opportunity.

Logically, he should be totally lost. But the labyrinth was not logical. He took a turn he recognized as having been a dead end earlier just to kill some extra time only to discover it had opened up. "Okay, now this- this right here stopped being fair like two hours ago!" He declared, frustrated.

"Fairless maze, Saria," a familiar, tired sounding voice announced. It was quickly followed by another familiar voice.

"DaaaAAAAaaaahh, wandering around the corn patch," Homsar announced. He was peaking out from behind a red shield, while Senor Cardage was leaning over a similar blue one.

Strong Bad knew this unfortunately meant he was at another crucial waypoint in his quest; therefore, he needed to make sure this next turn was a wrong one. He couldn't turn back now- the walls had already closed off behind him. "Okay, I remember this part. One of you guys tells the truth and one of you lies, right?"

"Right-o, capitain," Homsar warbled.

"Sounds fanatical," Senor Cardgage... apparently agreed.

"Hmm," he tapped his chin and glanced between them. This would be a lot easier if he'd have just remembered which way Sarah went in the movie. He cleared his throat. "Well then, Senor Cardgage, does your door lead to the castle?" he inquired of who he decided was the most trustworthy of the two barely intelligible guardians.

"Well, Sarelina, it don not go to the catacombs," he responded in his usual way.

"Uh..." Strong Bad hesitantly glanced at Homsar. "So if by catacombs you mean castle, then this door doesn't go to the castle. But if you're lying, then... the midget's door is the right one because it's wrong." He scratched his head. "Unless you mean actual catacombs. So the the door wouldn't not go to the castle-" He shook his head. "Okay, wait..."

"My expiration date just hit first queue," Homsar remarked, earning a glare from Strong Bad as his ponderings were interrupted.

He sighed, rubbing his temple. "All right, I'm just gonna go with your way, Senor. You'd totally never steer me wrong, man. You're way too cool for that." He stepped up and opened the door.

And promptly fell down a chute. It appeared that no matter which door he picked he'd be sent plummeting down into the oubliette. Hands reach through the wall and snagged him, most forming a bushy mustached face.

"Got any food?" one voiced quipped. Another hand dug into his pocket, turning up empty.

"No? Goshdarn it all, none of kids never have any food," the familiar voice of the King of Town grumbled. The hands in front of his face looked familiar- the Poopsmith. First he pointed up, then down.

"Which way you wanna go?" the King asked.

Strong Bad squirmed. "I don't care, just let go of me! This is extremely uncomfortable... and unsettling."

"Down is easier," the King's voice mused. Strong Bad was immediately let go, sent crashing to the floor. The King of Town could be heard whining about food before the opening closed above him.

"Right on schedule," Homestar's voice piped up. He lit a candle and grinned at him. "Man you are breezing through this movie."

"That wasn't the plan," Strong Bad muttered, getting painfully to his feet. He brushed himself off and glanced around. "Crap, I knew I should have gone left."

"Either way you woulda wound up here," he shrugged. "They're both liars. They lied about telling the truth ... it fools everyone. It's just best to avoid those guys."

"I'm not even sure Homsar was lying. That usually requires someone understanding what the other is saying," Strong Bad snorted. "But I can't believe Cardgage let me down like that. I feel so betrayed." He frowned and folded his arms over his chest. After a second he glared in Homestar's direction. "Well, are you dragging me to the next waypoint?"

"Huh?" He blinked. "Oh! Right, yes. Duh." He rolled his eyes, amused. "Almost forgot. Sooo I guess we'll just ... leave." He placed the candle on the lone table in the room and went to pick up the door. He was humming to himself- it sounded a bit like 'Magic Dance' from the film, but he was obviously getting the tune wrong in places. After a few minutes of fiddling with the door and causing a huge mess, he finally managed to get them an exit.

"You sure are grumpy for someone doing so well," he observed.

"I don't want to do well," Strong Bad ranted as they walked. "Why would I want to get to the castle any faster when there's an even more psycho version of you with the hots for me waiting for me to get there? If you really wanted to help guide me someplace, you should tack on some extra mileage so maybe my time will run out and I won't have to keep wandering around."

He glanced over his shoulder. "You really don't remember this movie do ya?"

"I remember enough," Strong Bad replied quickly. "I just fell asleep before all this stuff happened on TV..."

"Well, if you really remembered it..." He trailed off, amused. It wasn't worth mentioning- not yet, anyway. They made it to the sewers where a bird faced old man held out a cup. A glass ball rolled gracefully past Strong Bad's feet and into the cup.

He blinked and stopped in front of the figure. "Hey, isn't that the goblin king's magic paperweight?" Clearly, Strong Bad's memory of the movie was a little spotty.

"Uh oh." His companion fidgeted nervously and backed away a bit.

The Goblin King chuckled, ripping off his disguise. "So observant," he commented, smirking. He stood up and circled him, leaning in much too close for comfort. "And how are you enjoying my labyrinth? Has it been fun?"

Strong Bad's gaze kept flicking between the two versions of Homestar, his brain struggling to process the double vision. At least the Hoggle version wasn't wearing tights- holy crap, was that ever distracting. In fact, now would be an opportune time to be flipping that self destruct switch on his brain if he had one.

"No. And it's not much of a labyrinth if I can't even get myself lost in it," he retorted.

The king smirked, pulling back ever-so-slightly. "Are you saying it's too easy?"

"Don't say it," the milder Homestar double hummed in warning.

Naturally he was ignored. "That's exactly what I'm saying. Seems like I run into a shortcut every ten feet. Would it kill you to make it a little more of a challenge? At least pretend you don't want me to find you at your dumb castle."

"You want it to be more challenging?" he repeated, amused. "Well ... I can do that." He pulled the crystal orb out of his hat and twirled it around, amused. "We'll make a bit of a deal. If you _don't_ reach my castle before the thirteen hours are up, I'll ensure that you never wake up from this dream. And just to make it a bit more interesting..." He held up a hand and on a nearby clock the hours zoomed forward until it showed that Strong Bad had a precious six hours left. "How is that for challenging?"

"Y-you can't do that!" Strong Bad protested. "This is my dream, man. I wake up when I say so."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow. "Boy, if this was your dream, you'd have control, right? If this was _your_ dream, you wouldn't be here. You'd be lounging on the beach, sucking down cold ones and being fawned over by bikini clad bimbos." He grabbed his shirt and jerked him forward, meeting his at eye level. "Here's a little secret. This all may be in your head, but this is _my_ world. I run this place. If I want it to rain, it can be done. If I want the earth to open up, it will be done. There's only one thing in this world that I don't control and that's you."

He smirked. "But if you give up now, I'll let you wake up. All I want is your endless devotion every night. Is that so much to ask?"

Strong Bad stammered for a second before collecting himself enough to respond. He narrowed his eyes, stepping back. "Trade in my beach babes for you? No freakin' way. I want no part of it." He snorted and prodded him in the chest briefly. "I'll solve your maze. I've seen the movie so I know what I'm doing. And I got him if I forget anything, since amazingly enough he seems to know what's going on." He thumbed over his shoulder at the other Homestar. "So yeah, no. I'm not gonna wuss out and be the slave to a figment of my own imagination."

"Spunky. I like it," the king purred, patting him on the head. He turned to glare at the other, more amiable Homestar. "As for you, what are you doing down here? You're not _helping_ him, are you?

He fidgeted. "No, of course not! I'm just doing my... um, job." He grinned weakly. "Taking him back to the beginning and all that- oh hey, by the way..." he leaned in a bit closer and inquired quietly, "Which way is the entrance from here?"

The king raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "How, exactly, are you leading him back to the beginning if you don't know the way?"

His face reddened up to his pointed ears and he opened his mouth to blurt out an excuse. "W-well I had an idea, but-"

Strong Bad interrupted him. "I'm not following you back to the beginning! I have to get to the castle- what is this, some kinda conspiracy between the Homestar clones to get me stuck here? Forget that, I'm finding my own way out."

He snorted and turned around to leave, but the tunnel they'd come in through was gone. "...oh, of course. I hate this freakin' place."

The king chuckled, flicking the crystal ball back into his hand and passing it back and forth. "Well, I wish you good luck. You'll need it," he snickered, glancing down the other end of the tunnel. "I must bid you two farewell, but I'll leave you with a little parting gift." He tossed the orb down the hall and disappeared through the wall of the tunnel.

The Homestar that was left went pale and grabbed Strong Bad's wrist. "C-come on, we gotta go."

"I'm not going anywhere with any version of you. Let go." He yanked his hand away and kept feeling along the wall for some sign of where the old passage had gone.

"There's gotta be a seam someplace..." He paused as the wall started rumbling. He backed away, but could feel it in the floor as well. He looked around, spotting the source of the disturbance. A whirling mass of spinning blades was coming up the tunnel fast from where the goblin king had thrown the orb.

"Oh... crap."

This was one of those scenes that had looked a lot cooler in the actual movie when he wasn't a part of it. Leaving no longer seemed like a bad idea.

"You idiot," Homestar hissed. "You've seen this movie forty times and you don't remember what happens? Come on," he huffed, dragging him along. He kept his eyes peeled for the weak wall that they could knock down. It had to be close by... aha.

He stopped abruptly and started kicking at the decrepit wooden wall, the whirs of the cleaners rapidly approaching.

"I really hate whoever wrote this scene," Strong Bad remarked over the noise. He threw his shoulder against the wall a few times. The wall wobbled, teetering on the verge of caving in. He timed his next shove to match Homestar's and it fell, just as the large machine squeaked and rattled past them. Strong Bad blinked through the dust and sat up, peering around the edge of the hole they'd created at the yellow 'goblins' who were pedaling their way up the corridor.

"The Cheat...?" Man, this dream just kept getting stranger by the minute.

"Goblins," Homestar corrected, panting. He sighed, visibly relieved. "Holy crap, what a way to die, huh?"

"I wouldn't have died... probably." He was actually a little uncertain about that point. He hadn't been able to wake up thus far. If he died here, would he stay in a coma forever? Or would he wake up? The high risk factor didn't make testing either theory very appealing. It was probably best if he avoided dying in this dream for now.

He dusted himself off and got to his feet with a wince, rubbing his shoulder. That would hurt in the morning. Assuming he got a morning.

"You okay to make it up the ladder?" Homestar asked, motioning up. "You don't have much time left, so we should get a move on."

"I'm fine..." He paused to glare at Homestar. "We? There's no 'we'. I don't need you. I remember enough stuff to get to the next... wherever."

"Of course there's a 'we'. Without me, you'll never get to that castle," he snorted, starting up the ladder. "So unless you wanna be Jareth's little plaything for the rest of your miserable life, you better start climbing buster."

"Your plaything, his plaything- is there really a difference?" He muttered, nonetheless climbing the ladder behind him.

"Of course," he said, rolling his eyes. "_I_ have no desire to screw you senseless. He, on the other hand ... does. I just wanna be your friend."

"Right." Strong Bad snorted. "Well just so you know, I've got absolutely no interest in either of those things. I just want to get through this stupid dream and be able to wake up again."

He frowned, a little disappointed. "Well, I hope you do wake up. Being stuck here sucks," he replied after a moment. "That Jareth's a real jerk."

Strong Bad rolled his eyes. "How mean can he be to you, man. You're the same person. Almost."

He snorted, obviously disgruntled. "Are you kidding? He's awful. He's cruel to anyone who isn't a goblin ... i.e., _me_. The only exception is you- he adores you. Doesn't make any sense."

"You got that right. If this is all in my head, there's no reason my brain should be making him have the hots for me." He huffed and crawled out of the hole to the surface before continuing his rant. "I don't know what I was thinking- clearly I should have been Jareth. I am way more qualified to run a kingdom than even... some weird, smarter, eviler clone of you."

He shrugged. "There's gotta be a reason he's Jareth. Maybe you just have a crush on David Bowie. And me."

"NO." He gagged loudly. "That's disgusting. I mean, I might admire Bowie, but that's not the same thing at all. And anyway, he's one of those British rock star guys, so... you know, they don't count against you."

Homestar rolled his eyes, amused. "Whatever the case is, your brain did it. There's gotta be a reason."

"Too much candy's the reason," he insisted. "That's all the reason there needs to be." He folded his arms and glanced around. "Okay, so... which way gets us out of these hedges and walls?"

"Mmm. I dunno. I wasn't joking when I asked which way was the way out," he shrugged, also taking a look around. "But you're not really my problem, so I'm gonna go home. Peace."

"What?" Strong Bad spun around to face him. "What happened to 'you'll never get to the castle without me'? You can't argue to stay and then just leave."

"I'm starving, and all you want to do is argue with me. When you're _that_ ungrateful, do you really expect people to stay?" he snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Well, yes," Strong Bad replied. "This is my dream. You're supposed to show me which way to go. I have every right to complain about it, but you still have to get me there because you're the one that got stuck with that job."

"Too bad," he huffed, walking off. "Good luck getting to the castle~."

"Oh no you don't," Strong Bad growled, starting after him. His gaze went to Homestar's belt as he reached out to stop him, and he suddenly recalled a useful tactic from his movie viewing experiences. He grabbed the bag loosely fastened there and yanked it off.

Homestar yelped and whipped around to glare at him. "Those are mine!" his hissed, visibly annoyed. "Give 'em back!"

Strong Bad just grinned, holding the little pouch up and shaking it. "No way. You'll have to take me to the castle if you want them back."

He growled lowly. "I already told you I don't know the way. Even if I did, it's changed like forty times since the last time I went there. There's no rhyme or reason to this place. You know that!"

"Well then I'll just keep whatever's in here. Maybe I can use it to bribe someone else into showing me the way out," Strong Bad shrugged.

"You can't do that," he flared. "I spent a really long time collecting those!"

"Already am, and I couldn't care less." He started to walk away.

He huffed and followed after him. "You are such a punk," he muttered, looking around. "We should try and get to the jungle. That's the most straightforward path to the castle. Nobody takes it because it _looks_ confusing. Also you can be eaten."

"Hey if some girl could make it through that place, I can make it through," Strong Bad stated. He was still swinging Homestar's treasure pouch around boredly as they walked.

Homestar eyed him nervously. "B-be careful with that," he muttered quietly.

"Why, what's in it?" He held it up to his ear and shook it.

He winced. "Stars," he said simply. "Well, not ... real ones. Necklaces, bracelets... some of those are glass so be careful." He frowned.

He shook his head, amused. "Relax man, I'm not g-" Suddenly there was a loud roar. Strong Bad jumped, the bag slipping out of his grasp- and catching on his wrist by its string. "What was that?"

Homestar whimpered. "I... I dunno," he said nervously, backing up. "I'm not sticking around to find out. You're on your own."

"You can't run off, I still have your stars," he reminded, holding up the bag.

There was another roar and Homestar jumped, letting out a frightened yelp. "Keep 'em," he shouted, dashing off in the other direction.

Strong Bad groaned. It hadn't worked for Sarah, and it apparently wasn't going to work for him either. Oh well, at least he knew he was on the right track. He tied the little pouch of stars to his belt and headed off to find what he assumed would be Ludo. "Of course, right after I go to all that trouble to get the dork to come along we get to the chickening-out scene," he muttered, threading his way through the neatly trimmed hedge maze.

When he found at the end of his journey was 'Ludo', tied by his feet and hung upside down. He was definitely fluffy enough, but his broad, square shoulders meant he could be none other than Strong Mad.

"IT HURTS!" he roared again, thrashing about.

While the ropes suspending him probably did hurt, he was most likely referring to the group of goblins standing around, poking sticks topped with snapping, toothy monsters at him.

Strong Bad's staring was interrupted by something hitting the side of his foot. He looked down to see a rock sitting there. "Hang on, buddy, I'll get you down." He grabbed the rock and threw it at one of the goblins.

It missed. The goblin turned and Strong Bad grinned weakly. "Heh. That wasn't supposed to happen." Man, apparently Sarah had good aim.

The yellow, spotted goblin snarled and shrieked in gibberish. The others snapped to attention and charged after him, snapping and biting at him with their monstrous sticks.

Their new quarry took off, backtracking through the hedges until he came across a large stone vase. He jumped inside just as the goblins came rushing around the corner. A minute later, he deemed it safe enough to climb out. The goblins had run right by as planned, but he wanted to be sure. He glanced in the direction of their fading shrieks, dusting his hands and smirking to himself.

"Morons," he snickered. Then he straightened and snapped his fingers. "Ah crap, almost forgot about Strong Mad."

He jogged back to the clearing. Thankfully, he was able to find his way back easy enough. The hedges didn't seem to move as often as the walls. Kneeling at the base of the tree, he began untying the massive rope that held 'Ludo' aloft.

Strong Mad squirmed, whimpering and groaning. "ROPES HURT," he announced, straining to get a good look at his savior. "WHO ARE YOU?"

"What do you mean wh- oh, right." Strong Bad cleared his throat. This wasn't really his brother, after all. Just like Jareth wasn't really Homestar. At least, he hoped that was how it worked. "I'm Strong Bad. For all purposes of this quest thing, I'm the guy who's getting you down from this tree. Or would, if you'd hold still for five seconds."

"IT HURTS," Strong Mad whined. He frowned, but stayed still like he was told. After a minute of waiting, the ropes finally came loose and he hit the ground with a loud 'thump'.  
>"LUDO DOWN," he announced, pushing himself to his feet. He looked down at Strong Bad, blinking curiously. "STRONG BAD FRIEND?"<p>

"Sure. Friend." He flashed him a brief thumbs up before sticking his hands in his pockets. "Your vocabulary has not improved any since you were my real brother," he noted. "But anyway- do you happen to know the way to the jungle from here, big guy?"

He furrowed his brow, visibly in thought. "UUUUH." He looked left, then right and then shook his head sadly. "...NO."

"Damn. Looks like we're gonna have to wing this, then," Strong Bad frowned. "At least until Captain Courageous gets his skinny butt back with the group. Let's go. I got a good feeling about... uh, this direction over here." He pointed to a passage at random and started forward.

Strong Mad followed his obediently, not entirely sure why anyone would want to go to the scary jungle. Afterall, there were monsters, and lions and traps ... who would want to be there?

Meanwhile, 'Captain Courageous' was having his own issues. He'd gotten halfway out of the labyrinth before he took a rest.

It didn't last long. "Enjoying your break?" a voice sneered. The goblin king stepped out from behind a rock and leaned casually beside him.

Homestar jumped to his feet and whipped around. He grinned nervously. "J-jareth! What uh. What brings you out here?"

"Just checking up on my favorite goblin, Hogarth." He smirked unpleasantly. "I could ask the same of you. I thought the plan was to mislead Strong Bad for me- which is kind of hard to do from all the way out here."

"Hoggle," he corrected quietly. He cleared his throat. "But, you know, I tried. I don't think uh he'll be getting to the castle. He's a little slow. In fact, maybe you should just leave him alone. He's not that interesting anyways."

The king raised an eyebrow and flipped a crystal sphere into his hand. Strong Bad and Ludo appeared faintly within. "He's entering the jungle as we speak. A full three minutes ahead of schedule, I might add. If anyone is slow here, it's you for thinking you could try to cover for him." He flicked his wrist and the orb disappeared. "I should drop you into the bog of eternal stench right now for your treachery," he remarked calmly.

Homestar's ears flicked back and he shook his head. "N-no, not that. That's... no. Not that," he whimpered quietly.

"We'll see," his cruel counterpart mused. "I've got another mission for you. A simple one that even you can't screw up. Consider this your second chance." He slipped a candy bar into Homestar's hand. "Deliver this to Strong Bad for me, will you? I'm sure he's famished from wandering around my labyrinth by now."

He looked it over nervously. "It's not gonna hurt him, is it?"

"Does it really matter?" Jareth countered. "Deliver it for me and I'll forgive your previous transgressions. Or, you and I can take a little trip to the bog. It's your choice."

He bit his lip. "F-fine. But I don't want to hurt him," he insisted, slipping the candy bar into his pocket. He sighed sadly, eyes flicked up at him. "Guess I'll be going to the jungle then."

"Relax, Haggar, I'm not trying to kill him. It's just... a gift," the king snickered. "I think you're letting yourself get too attached to him." He started to walk away, then paused and glanced over his shoulder. "It would be dangerously stupid of you to allow that to continue, by the way."

He winced and looked over at him. "Of course. I know that. H... he's yours."

"Good. Try not to forget it," Jareth warned sharply. "Oh, and Hoggle? If he ever kisses you-" 'Hoggle' went pink at very idea. "I'll turn you into a prince."

He blinked, confused. "P-prince of the land of stench?"

"Smart boy," Jareth sneered, turning his back to him. He stepped around a boulder and was gone.

Hoggle watched him go, ears lowered and a pitiful frown on his face. He glanced down at the candy bar before slipping it into his pocket. He sighed and went off to find Strong Bad.


	2. Chapter 2

Strong Bad was well into the jungle now, having passed by the two doors- the talkative one suspiciously Bubs-like and the deaf one most assuredly another Coach Z. Strong Mad lumbered behind him nervously. "JUNGLE SCARY," he announced.

"You're like seven feet tall and everything in this movie was midget sized, man. There's nothing to be afraid of," Strong Bad replied, stepping over a large root. He paused to look around. It was hard to tell if they were actually getting anywhere, considering every few yards they traveled looked just as damp and full of trees and ferns as the last. He was starting to wonder why Homestar- the supposedly good version of him anyway- had recommended this route in the first place.

Oh, right. It was in the movie.

He started walking again, but the lumbering footsteps he'd gotten used to hearing behind him did not follow. He rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, Str- Ludo, I told you there's..." He didn't finish the sentence, as he suddenly realized he was talking to himself. Strong Mad was gone. "S... Strong Mad?" Okay, so maybe the jungle was a little bit scary. But he was not seven feet tall, nor did he have any rock friends to back him up so it was a totally justified fear.

Completely justified. Now that the massive monster guarding him was gone, the other monsters in the jungle took notice of Strong Bad more. Low growls came from beneath the brush, as did snickers and chortles.

As Strong Bad was walking along two long, spindly arms popped out of the tree above him and grabbed his head, immediately removing his mask. A furry orange and red creature looked it over strangely. "Hey hey hey, I wanted your head, not your face! I'm getting short-changed over here," the creature complained, sounding an awful lot like Bubs.

Another monster, similar in design, laughed rudely, but was promptly chastized by a familiar female voice. "Now, maybe he's just shy about taking his head off." The Marzipan-Fiery swung down to face him, bright red locks tied into a long ponytail. "Don't you want to take your head off?"

"No! Give me my mask back!" Strong Bad demanded, grabbing for it, but the Bubs creature jerked it away with a laugh.

"I'll give it back for an arm and a leg."

"That's steep. How about a hand?" a third monster whose orange and yellow markings reminded him of Pom Pom pulled off the aforementioned appendage.

"UGH, that's just wrong," Strong Bad declared loudly.

"Sold!" The scraggly Bubs monster exchanged the item. Strong Bad made a grab for it, but these things were too quick. He just barely avoided crashing into a tree as he dashed after the one with his mask. "Come on, you're gonna stretch it out!"

"I'll give it back if you give me your head," the Pom Pom monster offered, snickering. The Marzipan creature laughed too.

"Or maybe trade it for the other face. That one's cuter."

"Don't be stupid, my head doesn't come off," Strong Bad snorted, his face going red from the cute remark.

"We can fix that for you," the Bubs creature offered. It hopped onto his shoulders without warning and Strong Bad yelped, dropping to the ground to get it off as it pulled at his hair.

As soon as he'd dislodged his attacker he scrambled to his feet and put his hands over his head protectively, stumbling away from the trio. "I'm warning you guys, I played a lot of Street Fighter. I know some moves, so back off!"

"Scary scary," Pom Pom sneered, landing behind him. He grabbed his arm and tried to rip it from its socket. "Come oooon, play with us! Stop being such a stick in the mud!"

"It's way more fun to take off your arms," Marzipan insisted, pulling her left arm off. Bubs tried yanking off Strong Bad's other arm.

"Stop ruining the game!"

"Dismembering me is not a game I want to play!" Strong Bad retorted, struggling to free first one arm, then the other. Even though this whole ordeal seemed to be loosely following the script, he didn't care to find out how far his imagination would let this go if he hung around. So he did the only thing that seemed appropriate- he dodged the creatures and ran away, shouting for his Ludo-fied brother and, out of slight panic and lack of other options, Homestar.

Eventually Strong Bad hit the wall, a rope descending down to him. Homestar stucked his head over the edge and waved, grinning down at him. "Need a lift?"

"It's about time," he panted, grabbing the rope. The creatures were still close behind him, taunting him and cackling. When he got to the top of the wall he crawled away from the edge and leaned against a pillar of stone, trying to catch his breath.

Homestar glared at him, also panting. "You coulda climbed faster, yanno. You're heav-" He blinked. "...what's wrong with your face?"

"Nothing's wrong with my face. Shut up about my face," Strong Bad replied defensively, pointing back toward the jungle. "Those things took my mask." He slid down to a seated position against the stone, still out of breath. "We gotta go get it back... in a few minutes."

"You only have two hours to get to the castle," he pointed out. "You can't waste time on something like that. Besides, this is a dream, remember? You'll have it when you wake up ... _if_ you wake up."

Strong Bad huffed in protest, but knew his companion had a point. He flinched and rubbed his arm, still sore from having his appendages nearly wrenched off. "Fine," he muttered. After a second he looked around. "So now what? Isn't there supposed to be some kinda trapdoor around here?"

"Uh. N-no," he muttered nervously, getting to his feet. He dusted himself. "I think you're remembering it wrong."

"No," Strong Bad replied slowly. "I'm pretty sure there's a trapdoor. And then we end up at the bog." He walked around, stamping his foot against the stone every few inches. "Gotta be here someplace."

He cleared his throat. "W-well, if you um. Insist on going there then y-you uh ..." He went red and tapped his fingers together. "...do you remember _why_ the trapdoor came out?"

"It's a trap door. There has to be a lever or a loose stone or something." He glanced up at Homestar briefly, glaring. "I'm not kissing you."

"Who said I wanted you to? I'm just saying that ... well, it's not a _real_ trapdoor. It's a magical one. It doesn't exist until you kiss me. So we can either hoof it or you can kiss me and speed the process up." He shrugged boredly. "Whatever. I'm not the one who's gonna be Jareth's boyfriend for the rest of my unconscious life."

"That's nice. Neither am I," Strong Bad snapped. He spent another few minutes kicking the ground in strategic places and leaning against ledges, but nothing seemed to work. He could practically feel time slipping away. That evil Jareth-Homestar was out there somewhere probably laughing at him, just waiting for him to whittle his time away. What time was it in the real world, anyway? How long would it take for someone to notice he was sleeping a little too long...

He narrowed his eyes at Homestar again, who seemed to have lost interest in watching him a while ago and had turned away. It was just a dream, after all. It wasn't like anyone would know about it.

Fine.

He grabbed Homestar's shoulders and scrunched his eyes shut, yanking him awkwardly forward. He'd been aiming for his cheek, but their lips met instead- whether by miscalculation or because Homestar had moved, he couldn't be sure. Before he could properly react, the stone gave out under them and they plummeted through a trapdoor.

Homestar shrieked and grabbed onto him as they slid down the chute, trying to slow the descent with his feet. The dark tunnel was opening up towards a bright light and he yelped, grabbing a hold of a branch to keep himself from falling into the foul smelling swamp below. "SOME WARNING WOULDA BEEN NICE," he snapped angrily.

"It was a last minute decision," Strong Bad countered. He'd caught himself a little further back and was able to get to his feet on the very narrow ledge that separated him from the bubbling muck. He couldn't help but gag. "Augh, watching it on TV does not do this place justice." He pulled his shirt up over his mouth and nose.

"We shoulda just walked," Homestar muttered, pulling himself up. He steadied himself and started inching towards safer ground. "Y-you didn't have to kiss me on the lips, you know. Jareth's gonna kill me for sure."

"I didn't try to, you moved," Strong Bad growled, following carefully behind him.

"You grabbed my shoulders," he snapped, glaring over at him. "What am I supposed to do, stare off in the other direction? If you had told me it never woulda happened."

"Well- you're tall! I had to grab your shoulders, idiot. Besides, I had to act fast so I wouldn't have time to think about it. Otherwise I would have gotten too grossed out and we'd still be up on the wall. You shouldn't have moved, man. It's still your f-" He yelped as his foot slipped and hugged the wall. He could hear a few loose stones hit the bog with sickening plops beneath them. "...fault."

He grabbed his wrist and pulled him along slowly, trying to carefully place their steps. "... I'm not gross," he muttered bitterly, getting them safely over the swamp. Beneath them was solid ground- maybe not 'safe', but it definitely beat smelling like the bog for the rest of your life. Homestar let go of him and jumped down, landing gracefully. He motioned for him to jump. "Well, come on."

Strong Bad followed but didn't land nearly as gracefully, almost plowing Homestar over as he stumbled to regain his footing. He quickly pulled his shirt back up to half cover his face. The smell was bad, but it also helped hide how red he still was after all that kissing business.

"You may not be gross but you are extremely aggravating," he huffed.

Homestar seemed a little less upset about being aggravating. It was less insulting than being gross, anyway. They pushed forward, keeping their distance from the awful smelling swamp mud. After a while they ran into Strong Mad, who was covering his mouth and nose with his massive hands. "SMELL BAD," he whimpered loudly.

"I know, man. You fit right in here," Strong Bad remarked, coming to a stop beside him to survey their new surroundings. The big guy had been hanging around at what looked to be the edge of an old path leading to a bridge.

Homestar shrugged and stepped forward. "Looks safe enough," he decided, but the instant he stepped foot on the bridge and small, angry orange and yellow fox jumped out of a knotted tree and started yapping at him. The yapping sound a bit ... bubbly, immediately revealing Sir Didymus' identity as Pom Pom.

"Halt!" he barked, drawing an appropriately sized sword. "No one crosses this bridge without my permission!"

"Wait a minute... why would we want to cross your bridge? I remember this. It's just gonna break," Strong Bad snorted, folding his arms. "C'mon Homestar, let's go around."

The fox growled and stopped in front of him. "No one may pass this point without my permission!"

"Just ask his permission," Homestar snapped. "We need him to defeat Jareth, remember?"

Strong Bad rolled his eyes. "Can we have your permission to cross that rickety piece of crap bridge even though I'm totally not going on that thing?"

The fox faltered. "... um." He glanced at the bridge. "... it's not rickety! And ... yes I ... guess."

Homestar sighed and started crossing. "The branch is right above you," he said, not bothering to look back. "Hope you have a good grip. I'm getting a little tired of saving you."

"I'm not going on that thing," Strong Bad insisted stubbornly. "Strong Mad, call up some rocks. I am not dangling above the swamp just to play through the damsel in distress scene. I'm a guy so I'm way more sensible, and I will use rocks."

"Knowing you you'll probably slip anyway," Homestar snickered, already across. He sat down to wait for the rest of them to hurry up. Didymus scampered off and returned, riding a blue puppy. He crossed the bridge with ease, being so light.

Strong Mad frowned, confused. "OKAY," he announced, starting to howl. The rocks bubbled up from the depths of the swamp, creating a mini bridge beneath the rickety old one.

"That's more like it," Strong Bad observed smugly. He started across with 'Ludo' following after. He almost slipped off a few times, but grabbed the bridge above him for support. All was well until the last stone. It was a little further from the shore than he would have liked, and he didn't have a bridge above him anymore to grab on to.  
>"Hey, uh, I think you missed one," he said over his shoulder.<p>

"THERE AREN'T ANY MORE," Strong Mad replied. His real world brother frowned. He'd have to jump.

He swung his arms at his sides and bent his knees, then sprung forward and landed on the very edge of the ground on the other side. He flailed a bit, trying to keep his balance as he teetered dangerously between safety and certain stinky doom.

Strong Mad looked away from the sight, unable to bear the muddy splash. But it never came.

Homestar grabbed a vine and reached across, snagging Strong Bad's hand. He sighed, annoyed. "You are such a klutz."

Once assured of his own safety, Strong Bad yanked his hand away and huffed. He felt his face go hot again and pulled his shirt up to partially obscure it once more. Baggy 80's shirts were handy that way. "Shut up, I'm awesome," he muttered, walking ahead without bothering to wait for their last companion to finish crossing.

Strong Mad caught up momentarily, and the troop continued past the bog, the atrocious smell getting less and less overpowering with every minute they walked.

After a half hour, Strong Mad groaned. "HUNGRY."

"I agree," Strong Bad remarked, rubbing his stomach. For all the sweets he'd eaten before falling asleep he sure wasn't running on a full tank anymore. Not that hunger really meant anything in a dream... but this situation seemed like an exception. "Does that power of yours work on rock candy?" Of course, 'Ludo' just looked confused at that.

"Nevermind," Strong Bad muttered.

Homestar tensed up nervously, staying quiet for a moment, the nagging voice of Jareth ringing in his ears. After a minute or two, he couldn't take it anymore. "Um. H-hey Strong Bad, if uh ... y... you're really that hungry I got..." He sighed, pulling out the candy bar. "I mean, it's not much but it's something."

Strong Bad froze, a warning going off in his brain. Then he saw the candy bar and relaxed a bit. "Oh man, for a second I thought you were gonna whip out some poisoned fruit. I would've had to go back and give you a swamp swirlee if you were stupid enough to try that on me." He chuckled and snagged the candy from him, unwrapping it and breaking a piece off. "You want some?"

He blinked at that, face going a bit pink. Strong Bad, being generous? That was new.  
>But this was a very inopportune time. "No thanks. I ate the other 5 that came in the pack. I'll survive," he said nervously.<p>

"Suit yourself," he shrugged, popping the broken off piece into his mouth. He chewed for a second and then blinked. "Ugh, how long have you had this in your pocket?"

He spat out what was left of it but the damage was already done. The forest around him seemed to blur and tilt. He had to grab onto a tree to keep from falling over. He looked around to yell at Homestar, but if he was there he couldn't see him anymore. He wobbled for a moment, looking confused before collapsing to the ground.

Homestar winced, guilt washing over him. He glanced up the path to Strong Mad and Pom Pom, who hadn't noticed the event and were pressing forward. "I... I'm sorry I ..." He shook his head and ran off in the opposite direction.

When Strong Bad came to, there was music. Violins, harps, and piano- all accompanied by a huge crowd of people enjoying the melody. No one seemed to notice him, half unconscious on a chair in a corner of the room, wearing a white and silver suit with intricate details and long, flowing sleeves. And no one seemed to notice that he was the only one at this apparent costume party without a mask. This was how it was supposed to be, right? It seemed natural.

He slowly got to his feet, taking in the scene. The big white room was a pretty relaxing setting for a party. Usually the kind of parties he-

Strong Bad shook his head, unable to finish the thought. Usually... what? He was drawing a blank. Had he ever even been to a party before? The fact that he couldn't remember sort of bothered him, but the bother was distant as if someone had shot his mind full of novacaine. His gaze wandered the crowd boredly until he saw the flash of a familiar face. That was saying a lot, because not much was registering as familiar to him right now. He felt compelled to go to him so he did, threading his way through the crowd toward where he'd last spotted him.

But the stranger was gone, somehow, having had barely enough time to go elsewhere. A young lady grabbed his hand and urged Strong Bad to come dance, but she was turned down.

Unphased, she turned to dance with someone else- the someone familiar that Strong Bad was walking further away from. He smirked and lifted a hideous goblin mask in front of his eyes just as Strong Bad turned around for another look.

Strong Bad sighed in frustration. This was turning out to be a lot harder than it seemed from the corner of the room. All the masks were confusing matters, but telling everybody to take them off so he could find some random guy he only sort of recognized from... somewhere would probably ruin the mood. He brushed right past his target unknowingly once more as he crisscrossed the dance hall, turning down several more guests along the way. He started to wonder what he was doing here in the first place- something about these people seemed off.

He felt another tap on his shoulder and waved whoever it was away. "I'm not interested, I'm trying to find somebody. Jeez, you people are way too friendly."

Jareth chuckled, turning him around. He pulled his mask aside, smiling, but the kindness in his expression seemed oddly out of place. "Who are you trying to find? Maybe I can help."

Strong Bad blinked in surprise. "You!" He pointed at him. "I know you from someplace."

"Maybe," he replied vaguely, holding out his hand to him. "Maybe not. I have one of those faces. Care to dance? This is a party, afterall."

Strong Bad stared at his outstretched hand for a second. Again with the dull, bothered sensation in the back of his mind- but he ignored it and found himself taking the guy's hand anyway. None of the other guests seemed to think it was strange, so what was he worried about?

He spent most of the time he should have been focused on dancing trying to figure that one out. Something was definitely bugging him, but he couldn't place it. "What am I doing here?" he asked after a moment.

"Don't you like it here?" he replied, not answering the question.

"To tell you the truth, not really. I mean, this room is kind of bright and all these weirdos in masks are kinda starting to creep me out," Strong Bad admitted. "I think I'd rather be-" he paused as an image flashed briefly in his mind. He saw himself sitting on a couch in a dark room with his hand in a bowl of candy, watching something on TV. He shook his head and looked away. "Uh... s-somewhere else."

His dance partner tilted his chin up, forcing him to look back at him. "The party won't be much longer," he assured him, smirking deviously. "Then you can do whatever you want. You'll have my castle at your disposal, the servants catering to your every whim. We could stay like that forever. I just need you to stay here, with me, until the party's over. You can put up with the bright room for a few more hours, can't you?"

Strong Bad raised an eyebrow at him. Having a castle sounded cool enough, as did servant catering. But something else about that statement was ringing out of tune in his ears. Something about hours...

Time. What time was it?

He pulled his eyes away from his dancing partner and searched the room for a clock. There it was, in the corner; thirteen hours were marked upon its face, and a little hand was ticking away at the final hour. He gasped and pulled away. "I have to get outta here. I need to get home." He knew that much felt right, at least. He was trying to get home before the final hour was up, and sticking around here was not accomplishing that task.

Jareth cursed under his breath. Oh well. He had managed to waste some time. "This will be your home," he called out, but the words fell on deaf ears.

Party guests tightened together as Strong Bad tried to push past them, desperate to hinder his progress. They were laughing, dancing, gossiping ... they were doing everything but paying Strong Bad any mind.

But he had no qualms about being rude now that he'd remembered his purpose. He shoved them all aside, making his own path through the party to the other end of the room. There was just one problem; there was no door in sight. The far end of the hall appeared to be a glassy wall looking out over a black void.

Somehow he knew what he had to do. He looked around and grabbed a metal candle holder, throwing it at the wall. It shattered and the room behind him faded into darkness as he fell out into the void.

And then, he woke up. His head ached like the mother of all hangovers, and he was still rather confused about where he was and what was going on. His surroundings had changed at least, but he was pretty sure he wasn't home yet. Not unless home was hiding somewhere in the towering piles of junk that now surrounded him.

He pushed himself up, using a heap of garbage to get to his feet ... and it yelled at him.  
>"Hey hey hey!" a voice snapped, and a man turned around. The garbage, it appeared, was actually his back. He frowned a huge, toothy frown. "Watch where you're going!"<p>

Strong Bad recoiled in surprise. "Whoa. I didn't see you there, man." He scratched his head. This guy seemed familiar, too. Maybe he'd be helpful somehow. "I'm trying to find my way home. This is gonna sound weird but do you know where that is? I swear I've seen you before..."

"Home?" he repeated, mulling it over. "Actually ... yeah. Yeah, I can get you home. Follow me." He motioned for him to follow as he hobbled along. They reached a trash heap, and he motioned to the curtain that appeared to act as a doorway. "In there, kid."

"Hey, thanks!" Strong Bad let himself in and stopped in his tracks. A messy bed piled high with dirty clothes in one corner, a Videlectrix poster perched on the wall near an old TV hooked up to an equally worn out looking video game system- this was his room and he knew it. He wandered over to the wall and lifted up the unicorn poster just to be sure.

"Miss Fawcett, am I ever glad to see you again," he sighed in relief. He sat down on the floor in front of his TV and turned it on, more than ready to relax with some video games. He reached for the shelf under his TV to grab one only to realize it was barren. He narrowed his eyes. "Hey, who took all my games?"

Bubs' familiar voice snorted. "Just getting 'em all sort out for ya. Don't wanna go nowhere without your games," he reasoned, shoving the lot into his arms. He and his huge mound of junk surveyed the room. "And here's your boxing gloves, don't wanna leave these behind. And your pencils, and paper pads. Can't go anywhere without those."

Strong Bad struggled to peer around the growing pile in his arms. "Um, thanks?" He frowned as a bunch of movies were dropped into his arms, blocking sight of Junk-Bubs. Three copies of Deep Impact, some random action movies, a couple tv-recorded 80's cartoons, and- "Labyrinth? Hey, wait a minute..." he let the rest of the items fall and inspected the old VHS cassette.

Junk-Bubs eyed him nervously, and quickly gathered up the other things. "Come on, you want all of this, right? That stupid video isn't the only thing you wanna keep, right?"

Strong Bad smirked a bit. "This stupid video is why I'm here," he replied after a second. "And none of this stuff is really mine. It's not real." He pointed the tape at him. "You keep it. I'm going home, man. Oh, but now that you mention it I was looking for where this game went-" he grabbed a floppy disk out of the pile and slipped it into his pocket. "There, now you can keep everything."

Junk-Bubs gritted his teeth angrily, the walls collapsing all around where they were standing. "Fine! This stuff is nice. You get out of here or ... or be buried, whatever," he huffed, waddling out of the exit, which promptly closed up behind him.

But, just like in the movie, two long, hairy arms reached through the rubble to Strong Bad's aid. "GRAB ON."

Strong Bad didn't hesitate to do so. The rusty pots and old junk pouring in around him from all sides didn't provide any other escape. He crawled out to the surface just as the room completely collapsed behind him and coughed as the dust settled. He let go of his savior's hand and looked around. "Whew, that was close. Anybody know how much time we got left?"

Pom Pom shrugged. "Not much, I'm sure. We must make haste!"

"HASTE MAKES WASTE," Strong Mad announced, stomping off towards the castle.

Strong Bad followed, though he already knew the way. He glanced over his shoulder and thought he caught a glimpse of movement amidst the piles of junk, but if it was Homestar he apparently hadn't decided to rejoin them yet. Not that it was probably in his best interests to do so. Strong Bad was still pretty upset with him, despite the fact that he was just playing his part in this whole messed up dream world.

The walls of the city weren't far, thankfully. As they approached the gate, he decided now would be a good time to inform his remaining companions of the game plan.

"Okay, this is how it's gonna go. Basically, you guys fight off all the goblins and provide a distraction, and I'll sneak by and get to the castle. I figure you're all major characters and can't die, so you should be good on your own."

"Major characters?" Pom Pom repeated confused. Just as the words escaped his muzzled mouth, the massive gates in front of them began to close, forming the giant robot with hopes of destroying them.

"WHO GOES THERE," the voice bellowed, sounding rather threatening.

Strong Bad groaned and backed away, but spikes raised from the ground, blocking their escape. Crap, he'd almost forgotten about this part. He was still a little hazy in the memory department. "Nobody important! We're just... uh, tourists," he replied nervously. "You guys got a directory somewhere around here?"

He yelped and jumped aside just as the robot's giant axe struck the ground, sending sparks flying. "Guess not."

"NO ONE ENTERS THE CITY," it stated. "UNTIL THE CLOCK HITS 13."

"Guess it's got orders to thwart us," Pom Pom growled, drawing his sword. "Then we must fight!"

Strong Mad grabbed Strong Bad and pulled him out of the way of the axe again. "ROBOT BAD."

He winced at the near miss and watched the robot draw back his axe. "We need to get to its head, there's a guy up there," he pointed and ducked from another swing. The only problem was they were way down on the ground, and the robot's head was way above them. "Pom P- er, Didymus, c'mere maybe we can throw you up th..." He glanced around, suddenly realizing Pom Pom had run off.

He hadn't retreated, but his mount had decided to do so, much to his frustration.  
>Strong Bad rolled his eyes and turned back to the robot. There was a little space behind it; if he could just squeeze past, he might be able to get through the door. He decided to go for it, waiting for the next axe strike and then darting forward past the monstrous metal legs. Yes! The door was right in front of him. He reached out, just a few steps away from escape.<p>

And then he was struck by the broad side of the axe and flung back against the ground. He stared up at the robot in a stunned daze as it drew back the weapon again above him.

The axe landed, but it hit only dirt, embedding itself in the ground slightly. The robot tilted its head in search for its target.

Homestar had returned, having started his walk across the top of the wall to defeat the robot up there, but thanks to Strong Bad's little escape plan he had to change the script a bit. He scooped up Strong Bad just in time, and tossed him in the corner by Strong Mad for safekeeping. He glared over his shoulder at him and shook his head, climbing back up the wall.

"Wasting my friggen time," he muttered, dashing across the top of the wall. "Even Sarah didn't get herself almost killed this much."

He jumped onto the head of the robot and kicked at the head, effectively knocking it off.

The operator within blinked in the sudden sunlight. "Hey, you can't do that!"

He pulled a lever and the robot lurched as it attempted to throw off the intruder.

"Says you," he snorted. Grabbing him by his collar. Homestar was a very tall Hoggle, but it seemed that the operator hadn't changed much in size at just under two feet tall. He tossed him aside easily and knelt into the cockpit. He tilted his head.

Bigger? Yes. More apt at controlling giant robots? Not so much. "You guys might wanna stand clear," he announced loudly, fiddling with the machine.

At the first wild swing of the axe, everyone was more than ready to comply. It would have been all right if Homestar hadn't started making the robot stumble jerkily forward after them.

"Stop making it follow us, nimrod!" Strong Bad shouted. "Backwards- go backwards!" They had reached their limit, squeezing between the sharp spikes for more distance.

He winced. "I'm trying! Shut up," he shouted back. He eventually realized which lever seemed to be propelling him forward and pulled it back, causing the monstrosity to take a giant step back and stumbled over itself. It crashed through the arches with a loud clang, tossing its driver out of the cockpit roughly.

Strong Bad rushed ahead with the rest of his escort service trailing after. He stopped beside Homestar and helped him up. "You okay?"

He rubbed his head and groaned. "Been better," he laughed, shying away from him slightly. He bit his lip and avoided looking at him. "I ... look, I'm ... about the candy bar and ... I know you're probably really mad at me but it's not like I wanted to do it," he said, trailing off.

"Yeah, yeah, I know it was in the script... save the apologies for later, man. I don't have time to throttle you properly for that anyhow when there's a goblin army to fight and a castle to break into before my time is up." He motioned for him to follow them into the city. "Let's go."

He smiled a bit and got up, following at his heels. "Okie dokie," he chuckled, quickening his pace. "If we hurry, we can make it past the goblin guards," he whispered.

And they did, or at least... seemed to. They arrived at the base of the castle easily with not a goblin in sight. "What I want to know is how you hide all the goblins in an entire goblin city," Strong Bad remarked, stopping at the base of the stairs leading up into the fortress. "It's gotta be hard to stuff them all in one place like-"

There was a yell and suddenly dozens of goblins popped into view, pouring in to surround them from streets and alleys and from the castle in front of them.

"...like that," Strong Bad finished.

A couple of goblins wheeled forward some very threatening cannons. "Prepare to fire!" One of the goblin captains shouted.

A cannon went off and a rooftop collapsed behind the group of intruders.

"I said prepare, don't do it yet!" The captain scolded in a squeaky voice.

Strong Mad whimpered and hid behind Homestar, who was nervously eyeing up their captors. "We're surrounded," he realized quickly.

Pom Pom snorted, drawing his weapon. "I'll fight a thousand goblins! Ten thousand goblins! Ten thousand thousand goblins!" he barked, while his noble steed huddled behind him, tail between its legs.

"We don't need to fight them, we just need to get by," Strong Bad pointed out. He glanced over at what was for most purposes Ludo and not his actual brother. "Hey big guy, can you call up some rocks for us one more time? Preferably large ones."

Strong Mad nodded meekly and started howling, voice taking on an odd echo as he called forth his rock friends. Homestar blinked and grabbed Strong Bad's wrist, pulling him away from the distraction. He shushed him and led him down a narrow alley.

"If those idiots can distract them, you can get in with plenty of time to spare," he whispered. He glanced over his shoulder at him. "Please tell me you remember what to say."

"Uh sort of," Strong Bad cleared his throat. "Can't I just tell him off and be done with it? That's basically all that speech is about anyway."

"No, you can't," he hissed. "You need to say it exactly! If you just tell him off, it's not going to count and you're going to get felt up by that creep for the rest of your life." His face reddened angrily at the idea and he pulled him along, hiding behind walls as goblins passed them without noticing. "Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way to the castle, beyond the Goblin City to take back the child you have stolen." He looked both ways and motioned for him to follow. "For my will is as strong as yours and my kingdom as great."

He hesitated as they neared the gates. "...my kingdom as great ..." He shook his head angrily. "Frick. I can't remember." He looked back at him, visibly concerned. "Do you think you have all that?"

"Including the 'frick, I can't remember' part?" Strong Bad replied flatly. "Yeah, sure."

"I'm part of _your _brain. You can't remember, so I can't remember," he huffed. "But you need to try."

"I'll figure it out. I used to have half that movie memorized," Strong Bad stated. He stopped at the base of a long staircase, finding himself actually wishing he could bring Homestar in with him just in case he forgot his lines. "I guess you have to wait out here...?"

He nodded. "It's in the script." He smiled sadly and gave him a thumbs up. "I hope you get it right. You do, you destroy Jareth, and this world'll go with it. Then you can wake up."

"Just when your company started being tolerable," Strong Bad snorted. Then he seemed to realize what he'd said and stammered to correct it. "I-I mean you're still annoying." He pointed a finger at him accusingly. "VERY annoying. And dumb. And I have to go. So, bye." He turned away and hastily ascended the stairs, pausing only once to cough and mutter what might have been some kind of thank you under his breath just before disappearing from sight.

Homestar shook his head, amused. "You're welcome," he called out, tone a bit teasing. He sighed, and dashed back outside to help the others make quick work of the goblins.

Strong Sad looked up at the sound of footsteps, Strong Bad having entered ... on the ceiling. He got to his feet and waved. "Finally. Geez, this is a long movie when all you do is sit here."

Strong Bad looked around and felt his stomach lurch. Cavernous stairways wound around the room at senseless angles. He grabbed the wall to steady himself. Heights didn't normally bother him, but he'd never personally been in a room that looked like the blueprints for it had been drawn up by an architect on acid.

"Why are you on the ceiling? Get down here so I can rescue your fat butt and get out of here," he scolded. Naturally to him it looked as though Strong Sad was 'up' and he was on the ground level.

"Me?" he asked, flustered. "I'm right si..." He went pale and pointed up at him. Having gone silent now, echoing footsteps could be heard. Strong Bad couldn't see Jareth approaching, because the goblin king was above him, upside down to the unlucky hero.

"You made it rather far, haven't you?" he mused, walking down the wall, perpendicular to his target. Without miss a beat he jumped from the wall and circled him, grinning wickedly. "A little early, I might add. I knew you'd do well.""

"Of course I did well, I'm not some whiny girl. Plus, I knew what I was doing," Strong Bad said proudly. "Just like I know exactly what to say to defeat you. I mean let's face it, you suck at being Jareth. You're not even hard to win against because I can take you out with like, a paragraph." He was stalling, of course. Something had to jog his memory for that last line. He knew it was up there, someplace.

"Oh?" he asked, feigning curiosity. He pushed him against the wall and leaned in close, sneering at him. "Do you now? I bet that idiot Hoggle tried to jog your memory, didn't he?"

"Maybe," Strong Bad shrugged. "But you know, if you wanted to be spared the humiliation of getting owned by a bunch of recited sentences you could just give back my nerdy little brother and let me wake up. Oh right, and never bother me again."

"If you knew the words, you'd have said them by now," he said mockingly, grabbing his chin. "And with a few precious moments left, you better get moving. You do know you have to _reach_ your brother before the spell has any affect, don't you?"

Strong Bad faltered, his bluff having been called. He squirmed away from the goblin king, stopping abruptly when he felt the end of the ledge under his heel. "I can do that. It's not like he wants to be here either."

He smirked, pulling away from him. He motioned forward. "Then go. Save your brother." He turned on his heel and paused, glancing over his shoulder, tone calm but vicious. "I do hope you weren't growing fond of him."

Strong Bad only huffed in response, muttering to himself. "I will. And I am not fond of him, he's just... my brother." He trailed off and decided to turn his attention to the ceiling bound captive. Maybe if he climbed and his brother climbed, they could meet somewhere in the middle. He scanned the room and spotted some staircases that led somewhat close to each other. "Hey lumpy, make yourself useful and start climbing over there." He motioned towards the far wall.

Strong Sad nodded and started upwards, trying to keep his eyes on Strong Bad to keep from getting disoriented.

Jareth watched, arms crossed over his chest. "I wasn't talking about your brother. I meant that traitorous urchin, Hoggle. Such a pity."

Strong Bad stopped searching for handholds long enough for that comment to register. "What about Hoggle? He was working for you. Of course I don't like him."

He grinned wickedly, back still turned to him. "That's good to hear. I would have hated to think I did something I would _regret_."

"You're just trying to distract me," Strong Bad snapped. "You didn't do anything." He inched his way along a thin ledge and came to rest safely on the underside of an arch, across from the staircase he'd come in on. Now to just get to that other stairway.

"Didn't I?" he asked, sounding amused. "What would you do to a traitorous, cowardly worm like him? Let him walk free?" He tsked and turned around, shaking his head. "No, you wouldn't. And what would you do? Or rather, what have I done? Can you even imagine? I suppose you could- this is your mind, after all. I wonder just how many horror movies you've watched over the years? How many serial killers you've analyzed on that flickering box in your basement? How many times have you told them that they could have done it _better?_" He chuckled. "I wonder if I met your expectations."

Strong Bad clenched the stone edge of the archway so hard his fingers went white. The room seemed to tilt, but it could have just been the wave of nausea he suddenly felt at the thought of the king's words. "You better not- I... it doesn't matter anyway. When I beat you, he said this place will be gone. None of it's real." The statement ended up being more of a reassurance to himself than anything.

"What's done is done," he mused. "Such a pity that his final thoughts were of you and you can't even spare a moment to grieve."

"Strong Bad, hold steady," Strong Sad shouted, climbing up towards him. "He's just trying to distract you!"

The king glared at him, tossing a crystal ball towards him. The shattered after a few bounces down the stairs, turning into a hundred glittering, vile bugs that raced towards his feet. Strong Sad yelped, the razor sharp insects ripping through his skin like tissue paper. The king tsked, faux concern in his voice. "I don't think it'll count if your brother's eaten by glass beetles. Better hurry. Time's running out."

Strong Bad shook his head, trying to focus past the obvious questions re-emerging in his thoughts. What happened if someone died in his dream? What happened if he died-?

No, he wouldn't die here. Jareth wouldn't allow it, but he would kill off everyone else that mattered to him without a second thought. Just like he'd done to Hoggle.

"Hang on, Strong Sad." He grabbed onto the edge of the arch and swung his leg out into the void, bringing it around to the other side. He started climbing around it, slipping more than once in his haste and leaving some blood behind on the rough stone. The stairway was just above him now, leading off disjointedly into space where it ended in a crooked platform hovering just a few feet away.

It was about the same distance as Ludo's rock had been from shore, as a matter of fact. The only difference was if he missed this jump, he'd have a lot more than the smell to worry about. He backed up as far as he could on his precarious ledge, tuning out his brother's cries of pain and locking his eyes on the platform. Then he leapt, slamming into the stone. It wasn't a very graceful landing, but more importantly there also wasn't anything to grab onto. He felt himself sliding off and desperately kicked at the air, trying to bring his leg up to the edge.

Jareth watched intently, but considering that he wasn't interfering Strong Bad must not be in any real danger ... right?

Maybe.

Strong Sad kicked at the glass beetles and ran up the steps, snagging his brother's foot and tugging to let him know he was there in the ever changing room. "Let go! I got y-" He shrieked, the floor opening up beneath him suddenly. His yell faded into the blackness of the hole he fell into.

But hadn't Sarah jumped into a similar hole? Surely, it wasn't dangerous. Jareth loved him, on some obsessive, frightening level. He was possessive and manipulative, but the motivation was love, wasn't it? He wouldn't let Strong Bad fall to his death, would he?

Maybe.

Strong Bad hung by his fingers for a few seconds, staring down past his faded jeans and the slip-on shoes that he was quietly blaming for the badly executed leap. That was a long fall to risk on a 'maybe'... but if Sarah could do it he could do it. At the very least he owed it to Hoggle and his brother to keep trying to get out of here any way he could. He scrunched his eyes shut and let the last inch of stone slide out from under his fingertips.

And Strong Bad fell ... and fell ... and fell further still. The room around him pulled apart, gravity loosing its iron grip on the rubble. The stairs snapped apart silently and floated off into space.

Eventually Strong Bad's feet hit solid ground, various clocks surrounding him, noting that he had a mere moment left until his time was up. Jareth apparently had another costume change, looking more like an owl than ever in white and cream and tattered bits of cloth.

"You know, I have been very generous up until now," he said, tone crueler than Strong Bad remembered. "But I can be quite cruel. If you give up now, I promise to spare your brother."

Strong Bad glared back at him. "Generous? Yeah right. I'm not letting you off that easy," he growled. "Give me the child," he recited firmly. "Through dangers untold and hardships..." he paused. Was unnumbered even a word? It seemed to fit. Yeah, that was right. "-unnumbered, I've fought my way to the castle beyond the Goblin City..."

Fear flooded into his normally stoic features for a brief second. "Hold it. Think about what I could give you. A castle, servants, money, power, a life out of the ordinary," he said, almost pleadingly. "You wanted the boy taken, I took him. You wanted motivation to enter the maze, I more than delivered. You wanted a more challenging labyrinth, I did as you asked. And I would do it again, a thousand times over I'd do it again. Stay here. Reality is cruel. Reality is gritty and harsh." He ran a hand gently across his jaw. "All I ask is that you stay."

Strong Bad narrowed his eyes at him before continuing. "...to take back the child you have stolen." He reached up and shoved his hand aside. "For my will is as strong as yours and my kingdom as great." There was a pause as Strong Bad waited for the right words to fall into place. Come on, brain... he was so close. His eyes wandered away from Jareth as if searching the drifting rubble would help jog his memory.

Jareth tensed up, but immediately relaxed when he saw him hesitate. His confidence back ever-so-slightly, he tried stalling for more time. "I'll give you whatever you want. Just love me, fear me, do as I say and I'll worship you. I'll be your _slave_. Isn't that generous?"

The similarity of his words to the film roused a memory and Strong Bad looked up suddenly. He snapped his fingers, smirking. "Ah! Thanks, now I remember... " he prodded him in the chest and finished the recitation. "You have no power over me."

His eyes widened slightly, the bell tolling just after Strong Bad finished the spell. He glared over at the clock and winced, growing weak. "I suppose that's the end, isn't it?" he muttered bitterly, turning back to face him. He backed up, bringing his cape together until Jareth was gone, leaving only a white owl was in his place. It fluttered and flew upwards and away.

The ground beneath Strong Bad fell apart and he descended again. He felt into nothing by black, empty space ...

And woke up on his couch.

The first thing he noticed was that the TV was on, blaring some infomercial about a food slicer. He had never been so happy to hear the overly hyper voice of a television salesperson in his life. And aside from the fact that he now had a major sugar hangover, he seemed to be back to how he'd been when he first fell asleep- mask and all. He scrambled to his feet and ran upstairs, spilling the candy bowl all over the floor in the process but he didn't care. He needed to figure out how long he'd been trapped in that horrible dream world.

The clock on the microwave flashed just after 8 am, which put Strong Bad at about 11 hours of sleep. Considering that in the dream, Jareth had tampered with time to make it more of a challenge, this was about the right length for his journey. At the kitchen table was Strong Sad, eating a bowl of cereal.

He looked up from his breakfast and raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you done being in a coma then? I tried waking you up like nine times. You wouldn't budge."

Strong Bad grinned at him. He was too relieved for a snarky reply. "Yeah, I am. I'm awake," he noted, patting Strong Sad on the shoulder and laughing weakly. "Thanks for trying though, man." He pulled out a chair and sat down with a sigh. "...wait, what day is it?"

"November 1st," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Remember, Marzipan's Halloween party's tonight. You better get a shower or something.:

"Oh yeah, right. I'm all over that. I just need to... bask in the glory of my wakefulness for a few more seconds here." He folded his arms behind his head and leaned back, putting his feet on the table. "Seriously, it feels like I've been gone for a week."

"You're acting weird," he pointed out dryly. He picked up his bowl and dumped the leftover milk in the sink. "It's creeping me out. I'm gonna go play with my Halloween makeup for a bit. I bought the good stuff online and I haven't figured out how it looks yet. See you when you stop being so..." He struggled for the word. "...nice." He gave him one last weirded out glance before heading out of the room.

"Never seen him move that fast," a familiar voice quipped from across the table. Homestar- or rather, Hoggle, sat there, looking rather amused. "Guess you're really not very nice, huh?"

Strong Bad yelped and tried to stand up, but ended up tipping backwards out of his chair in the process. He pulled himself up far enough to peer across at the unexpected guest between the cereal box and milk carton his brother had left behind. "What are you doing here?"

"...watching you fall, mostly," he snickered. "Relax, I just wanted to say goodbye."

"But... you... you're..." Strong Bad just stammered incomprehensibly. He was caught somewhere between being oddly ecstatic to see Hoggle alive and freaked out that he'd popped right out of his dream somehow while he was awake. "You're in my kitchen," he said at last. It didn't quite sum it up but it was all he could get out.

"Sort of. I'm ... mostly in your head. So if anyone was listening to you, you'd be ... talking to yourself," he shrugged. He reached for the milk, hand going through it. "Ah, the joys of being fictional."

"Oh. So I'm hallucinating." He accepted that explanation well enough and got to his feet. "Mental conditions aside- I thought you were dead! I'm glad you're okay, man. I was almost worried except I totally knew Jareth was lying the whole time so I wasn't." He cleared his throat a little.

"Uh huh. So you weren't worried about me at all?" he asked teasingly. "And just a reminder, part of your mind. I know when you're lying ... not that it wouldn't be obvious to someone who _isn't_ ingrained in your subconscious." He got to his feet and came around to the other side of the table and patted him on the head. "But like I said, I just came here to give my goodbyes. Ludo and Didymus wanted me to pass the message on, too. You may be a spoiled, ungrateful brat but..." his expression softened. "Well, you're easy to get attached to, it seems."

Strong Bad was quiet for a second. "But you guys aren't really going anywhere if you're in my head."

He looked a bit sad at that. "Without Jareth, the labyrinth isn't going to stay together. And without the labyrinth, no us. It's just a matter of time."

"Well yeah but what if I overdose on sugar again and need some annoying, stupid guide to lead me out of another nightmare? Hypothetically speaking." He frowned. "I just saved you dorks from evil tyranny and now you're gonna go and un-exist on me?"

"It's not exactly our fault," he huffed indignantly. "Besides, you got out of the labyrinth. You should be happy. No being comatose and molested by that creep Jareth," he said, sounding excited. "We were there to make sure you got out safe, and you did."

"Yeah, I guess." He folded his arms over his chest and shifted a bit, inspecting his boots. "I still say I probably could've beat him on my own if I had to, but... thanks." He looked up and shrugged. "You know, for making it easier."

"Like I said ... s'why we were there," he grinned. He hesitated and bit his lip. "I'd say I'm gonna miss you but I'm not going to exist so that's gonna be hard. But you know ... if I did exist, I would."

"To be honest, I might... kind of miss you too," Strong Bad admitted. "Even if you are just some imaginary version of my neighbor."

He smiled sadly and pulled him into a hug. "Yeah, well, it's not like I'm completely gone. I'm based on him, afterall. Your memory of him, anyways," he said, tone a little teasing. "Then again~, so was Jareth. Wonder what that says about you and him, huh?"

Strong Bad pulled away abruptly and glared at him. "Don't make me unimagine you faster," he huffed. "I ate bad candy. That's all. Somebody spiked one of my Jolly Ranchers."

He shook his head, amused. "Hey man, it was your crazy dream, not mine. Dreams mean a lot. I just can't help but think that if you're dreaming about your neighbor putting the moves on you there's gotta be a reason."

He took a step back and became a bit see-through. "I need to go. S'been ... fun."

Strong Bad gave him a nod, despite obviously being disgruntled and wanting to defend himself further. "Likewise. Now get lost before my brothers think I'm crazy, you twerp." He shoo'd him off.

"You _are_ crazy," he pointed out smugly. "But in a good way." He bowed and promptly vanished.

Strong Bad sighed and sat down at the table again, grabbing the box of cereal. He waited a moment with his hand in the box and looked around, half expecting more hallucinations to emerge but they did not. "I'm not crazy," he muttered. "And I absolutely do not have a thing for Homestar. Ugh..." Somehow, saying it aloud seemed to push those unsettling ideas out of his mind. They were totally ridiculous and unfounded anyway. He contentedly ate a few handfuls of cereal before heading off to the shower.

Later in the evening, Strong Sad showed off his costume to his brothers. Strong Mad was a bright yellow, square shaped Pikachu, while the youngest Strong was something a bit more appropriate, something classic- a zombie survivor, complete with bite marks along his arms from the infected monsters.

He glared up the stairs. "Strong Bad! Hurry up," he called. "We're already late."

"I'm coming, jeez." Strong Bad arrived a moment later, dressed in a black pirate costume and a bandana style mask. "The dread pirate Roberts can't go anywhere without his bandana that... might have been buried in my bed," he remarked, then glanced up at his older brother. "Wow did you make that one yourself? I thought they only came in kids sizes."

"I FOUND IT ON EBAY," Strong Mad announced loudly.

"Great. Can we get going?" Strong Sad demanded urgently. He tapped an imaginary watch on his wrist. "The party started an hour ago."

He lead the family towards Marzipan's house down the block, and the music could be heard from the sidewalk. It sounded like everyone was already there. When Strong Mad knocked (or rather, banged) on the door, Marzipan answered, dressed...

Strong Sad tilted his head. "... what _are_ you supposed to be?"

"I'm Freddy Mercury," she chimed. "Singer from Queen?"

"Oh. Right. With the mustache," he said, motioning to his own hairless upper lip. Marzipan was always crossdressing it seemed.

The brothers made their way inside, past Pom Pom (Thomas Edison, judging by the light bulb he was carrying around) and Coach Z (Vanilla Ice, Strong Sad guessed) and made their way to the snack table.

Homestar was refilling the candy bowl and whipped around, grinning excitedly. "Hey guys! You made it."

"Yeah w- AH!" Strong Bad yelped and jumped back about a foot, drawing stares from those nearby. "J-Jareth?"

"Yeah!" Homestar chirped excitedly, spinning around to show off his sparkly black cape. "Pretty awesome, huh? Marzipan helped me make it an-" Homestar stopped his bragging when a loud _thunk_ interrupted his train of thought. Strong Bad, apparently, had lost consciousness.

Marzipan ran off to grab some water and Homestar just snorted. "Jeez, what's his problem?"


End file.
